“No”- the misunderstood guide that takes us to a “yes”
Embrace the “no”, it tells you where you can’t go. And when you know where you can’t go, it gives you an indication of where you are. And when you know where you are and you know you want to go beyond, you can create a plan that leads you to a “yes”.
Your body tells you “no” all of the time (not in so many words). It tells you when it does not want any more food, it tells you when it does not want any more exercise, it tells you when it does not want to get out of bed. So, you know when the body is telling you “no”, and then you negotiate – only one more bite, only one more stretch, only get up to do something you like. If your body collapses you know you pushed too far beyond the “no” boundary that it gave you, but if you’re OK, you made your body better equipped to deal with discomfort. Of course, sometimes it’s OK to accept the “no” and let your body lead – don’t eat, have a rest, enjoy a longer sleep.
Your mind tells you “no” all of the time (with many varying words and varying emotions). It’ll tell you that you can’t do this or you shouldn’t do that. It’s a quicker way to say “you’ve not been here before and danger may lie ahead” or “you have been here before and you know that danger lies ahead”. And you can decide, if to agree to the boundaries it laid out for you and do what you can within the limitations of what you should. Or you can say, “perhaps I couldn’t before, but if I try, I may find out that I CAN”. “Perhaps I shouldn’t according to some, but if I do others will appreciate what I did”. Your mind’s “no” is a reminder to assess how much risk you are willing to take.
Society tells you “no” all of the time (through varying rules and in the voices of different people). You find out when you have overstepped social etiquettes when you are no longer invited to events. You find out who no longer wishes to be your friend when they walk away, look away, or respond to you in a dismissive kind of way. And you can choose to fight for your place, adjust your behaviour, adapt your points of interest, apologise/ beg/ plead to be in the company of those who rejected you. Or, you can accept that their “no” is a place you no longer wish to go. Find environments that better match your mannerisms, find people that better match your interests. “No”, uncomfortable as it may be to receive, may be a reminder that there are sacrifices that you are willing to make for people that give you strength or status; or the “no” may just be the necessary nudge to point you to people whose company you actually enjoy.
Embrace the “no” – when it invokes strong emotions, it tells you what and who are important to you. There are many paths to a destination, when pushed off a path of a “no” you increase your chances to land on a path to a “yes”. Keep going until you find the place you can say “yes, I’m where I want to be”.