Birthday Blog
Every year, the build-up to my birthday is overloaded with reflection, tainted with endless guilt of all I haven’t achieved, a doomsday of judgement. The happiest moment of my birthday is when it’s all done and I don’t have to “reflect” anymore.
And here we go again, what’s different this year? Clearly not my attitude towards my birthday. Most of my surroundings haven’t changed either this past year. But my focus has changed… more like my ability to focus, change focus, and walk away altogether; want to try it out? Take a moment in your life and have a screenshot of the moment - step so far away that you can’t make out the original picture to a point that you get distracted by another picture; or zoom in so close that you notice details that you previously disregarded as irrelevant; just doing that, you might find something nice even when the moment is not nice at all. And if not, take that screenshot, imagine it as a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it in an imaginary fire. A moment break from staring at the picture is as good a relief as any.
My fitness has taken a bit of a hit – less sleep, less exercise, worse posture, more weight. Shame! HOWEVER, it could have been worse. At least now I can appreciate that in the years before when I felt out of shape, I was actually doing very well. It’s ok that I want to be better, always good to strive to be the best. But it’s also OK to acknowledge that right now, my future self would probably say, I’m OK. And should I choose to venture back on the journey of ideal health, I know that my current “starting point” is actually pretty good and I can be back to my best in no time (maybe by the next birthday….?)
My social circles have gone a bit astray, as many people have experienced in the whirlwind of the last couple of years. I do miss parties, I do miss meeting strangers, and I do miss being with friends. But, despite them being only a few, I am privileged to have friends and close family that are interesting, intelligent, funny, inspiring, and loyal to me, no matter the changes in my mood, my mind, and my body. I am grateful that the people currently in my life are people I want, and the people that have left my life did so without ill will.
Well, by the end of the week the birthday would have passed and life will continue on – with changes I plan and those that I don’t and with things that I wish would change but simply won’t. On my next birthday, I will ponder again what have I made of myself and who really cares. But that’s in such a long time, I can take my time to figure that out. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to others who share my birthday week, and happy days to us all.