I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing it anyway

I don’t know how to make friends, how to keep friends, how to detach toxic ‘friends’. But I’m doing something, trying out ways to communicate, trying out ways to present myself, trying out my ideas on them and their ideas for me. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing it anyway because I love people, I love new friends, I love my old friends. I love getting better, if only ever so slightly, at forming meaningful relationships with people in my life.

I don’t know how to be successful in my career. I was never quite sure what to do as an employee, wasn’t quite sure how to balance the needs of my staff and my bosses when I was a manger, and am definitely in the depths of the unknown as an entrepreneur. I didn’t know what I was doing then and I don’t know what I’m doing now, but I’m doing it anyway because I want to succeed. I wanted to be the best at my job, I wanted to help my staff be the best at their jobs. Now I want to succeed in running my own business for my family and for my financial independence. I know that my succeeding means, even if only ever so slightly, that my family, my children, my clients will be more likely to succeed.

I don’t know how to understand the meaning of life, how to talk to G-d, and how to talk to other people about how I see G-d in my life. But I’m doing something, talking to people, reading scriptures, listening to lectures, writing, praying. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing it anyway, because finding a meaning for my existence in this world that is beyond my fleeting mortal experience gives me peace, gives me love and gives me hope that what I’m doing will help make things, even if only ever so slightly, better for the Divine creation I have been privileged to be a part of.

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing it anyway because doing something keeps me moving forward. It keeps me connected to people, it keeps me accountable and it keeps me humble in the eyes of the Divine.