Lot of Questions about the Changes that make Me
Does “change” make me more ‘authentically me’ or more of who I’m imitating? Does change mean I’m becoming another version of myself or an impersonation of someone I was never meant to be? Am I adopting characteristics that better emphasise my own character or am I obscuring my true character by characteristics I’m piling on what was once “me”? And if I suddenly stop “changing”, do I default to who I truly am, or do I morph into the character of the person who’s had the most influence on me?
How much of my thoughts are truly “my thoughts”? What of “my thoughts” are actually a blind acceptance of my parents’, my peers’, or of the media’s “thoughts” being continuously and subtly (or not so subtly) pushed upon us all? And if I change my mind about something, does that mean I am coming closer to my true authentic values, or am I adapting myself to the people with the most influence currently in my life?
How much of my body language, my body shape, my propensity to exercise is my body’s natural yearning for self-expression and how much of it is societal pressure to react a certain way, look a certain way and move a certain way? When I lose weight, is it because I want my body to be as natural and efficient as it was intended to be, or is because I want to look the part that I want to play in society? When I exercise am I doing this to be stronger and healthier or am I doing this to keep up with the “current groove”?
When I change my social circles, is it for people that are more in line with my life values, or is it for people that are a momentary convenience in helping me to achieve a certain goal? How much of myself am I willing to change for people I don’t really like? How much of myself am I willing to change for people I admire? How much of myself am I changing, and what of “myself” stays “me” after those changes?
When I change, am I defined by the identity that I’ve become or the process that it took to become the new “me”? If I’m not at a fancy university, can I just be “someone at university” or do I have to be “someone who had to work hard to be accepted by a university that previously I couldn’t get into”? If I am now healthy and fit, do I have to be the one that “used to be fat and then got into shape”, or can I be the one that’s “healthy and fit”? When I change social circles, am I accepted as part of the new social group, or will I forever be a “guest” that was allowed in despite being perceived as an outsider? How do I know how much of the change is actually me, and how much of the change is who I’m aspiring to be? How do I know if who I’m aspiring to be is a better version of me or someone I think is better than me?
Perhaps who we are isn’t defined by what we’ve become, but by our aspiration to keep changing, keep learning, keep moving, and keep meeting new people. Perhaps the “authentic me” lies in the search for who I aspire to be?