We’re not talking about the same thing
I feel like, most of the time, I’m not speaking about the same thing or in the same language with those I engage in conversation with. We might both be talking in English, and we might both be using similar terminology about a (presumably) similar topic. But our differing values and assumptions, inevitably result in us not speaking about the same thing at all.
My thoughts constantly contradict one another. I disagree with myself, passionately. I have literal fights in my head. They can be loud and aggressive or quiet and passive aggressive. It’s as if I’m not talking about the same thing (with myself!), so what do I do? I search for the intent. I define why I am I thinking about a subject rather than what I think about it. Knowing the why gives me the starting point, the reason this inner argument matters, the values that guide me. And knowing the values that guide me can highlight the different aspects that I am thinking about the subject. In the end, it appears that my inner thoughts are observations of different angles of the same subject.
My body isn’t responding in the way I expect it to respond when I eat a certain way, when I exercise a certain way, when I sleep a certain way. I am told that eating this will make me healthy, but it makes me ill; I am told that sleeping a certain way might make me ill, but I feel energised; I am told that exercising a certain way will fix injuries, but it brings about new ones. It seems like my body and I are not talking about the same thing, so what do I do? I have to listen – the body doesn’t speak in words, it doesn’t accept researched logic, it doesn’t care for fancy advertisements. My body will tell me when things feel right (I’ll feel good and energised) and it will tell me when it feels wrong (I’ll feel discomfort or pain or lethargy). To connect what causes the good and the bad with what I offer my body, I need to pay attention to what the body is actually responding to. My body is unique – it responds differently to your body, and it responds differently to my body from 20 years ago, but the key is that it always responds. I need to learn to understand what my body is talking about so that I can speak in the same language, so I can offer my body the optimal resources to let me achieve my optimal health.
When in a conversation with other people I think we agree, I think we have the same values, I think we are listening to one another, I think we are speaking the same language, but their response doesn’t seem to be congruent with the point I’m attempting to put across. Our tone doesn’t match, our rhythm doesn’t match, and our passion about the subject doesn’t match. We’re not talking about the same thing. But I want us to talk, so what do I do? I (or we) look for a topic where our rhythm can match and change the expectations of the conversation – if we can’t sing together, perhaps we can momentarily hum together.
When we lack a common value, genuine attentiveness, or a common song, it is likely that, we are not talking about the same thing. But as we exist together, we need to find a common language so that we can still engage, still connect, and still grow from each-other’s input. Even when we’re not talking about the same thing, we need to keep talking.