Try Moving Series – Boundaries

We function within a set of boundaries. We can do only so much, go only so far and be with only a limited amount of people. People have voiced a desire for there to be no limits, no boundaries, with the thought that all will be loving and harmonious, we will all be as one (“…Imagine there’s no countries”♪). But that is not and cannot be the case. It is an innate human desire to seek the boundaries so that we know within which territory we are acting; it is an innate human desire to seek the challenges to overcome and through that discover who we are and what our contributions are to the world.

Lack of boundaries does not result in us staying in one place happy and relaxed. We continue our search for the boundaries so we are able to define who we are and where we are. Those that are not aware of this natural behaviour will continue to float until they clash with the boundaries and are forced to learn in a physical and/or emotional, often painful, way what their boundaries are.

When we know our boundaries, we know to define what our limitations are. We are also able to define what is important to us, so much so that it is worth breaking through those boundaries to create a new territory to live in. By knowing what we cannot do, what we cannot feel, who we cannot be with, we can assess what we can do within those limits and how we want to change those limits.

Physical

Defining the boundaries or limitations of our body, is fairly straightforward. How much can we lift, how far can we stretch, how long can we run, what is our pain threshold? Once we know that, we can assess what we are willing to do to expand these physical limitations. Bear in mind, there is no static state of being, if you are not working on expanding your boundaries, those will necessarily become smaller. Meaning, if you are not challenging your body to become stronger, then you are ultimately leaving it to deteriorate and weaken.

Remember, small steps make a big difference. Just making sure that you eat well or sleep well or exercise even a little, all put you in a position to expand your physical limitation a bit more. Many years ago, a martial arts teacher said to me “you’re either improving or you’re deteriorating, there is no staying the same”. Let’s make a point to improve, even by a little, every day.

Emotional

Understanding our emotional boundaries means that we understand what makes us tick, what breaks us down, what makes us lose control. Understanding our emotional boundaries empowers us to seek out experiences and people that give us strength and avoid, or at least decrease the affect, of experiences and people that make us emotionally vulnerable. How much can we bear before we have an emotional breakdown – an outburst of anger or mental collapse due to depression? How high can we go before we lose control in a joyous elation?

If you think of emotions as a 6th or actually a 7th sense, on top of sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste and proprioception (the awareness of where our limbs are and how our bodies are positioned in space), then you can view it as another source of gathering information about your surroundings and how you need to act in specific circumstances. However, just as we don’t want the information of sight to blind us and we don’t want the hearing sense to deafen us, we also don’t the emotional sense to overwhelm us or numb us. Embrace the emotions and allow yourself to be guided by them as they give you necessary information to make better choices for your life, your love and your future development.

Social

The word “no” is the clearest social boundary that we have. If you want to break that boundary, if you want to change the “no” to a yes, then you need to take action by adapting to what the “no”er wants or by negotiating a compromise so as to get a “yes”, or even an “ok then”. This is not a process that can be forced; trying to push yourself through a “no” is like trying to charge through a closed door, you might make it in, but it will hurt and you won’t be welcome once you’re in.

Just as you meet boundaries when greeted with a “no”, so should others be greeted with your boundaries when you greet them with a “no”. When you know your values and your intentions, you are in a position to vet the people that you welcome into your life. When you know your boundaries, you are less susceptible to social pressures and are able to focus on becoming the best of version of yourself despite, or because of, the various boundaries presented in social interactions.

To be able to go beyond your comfort zone, one must first acknowledge where those boundaries are. So, know where they are and embrace the challenge of expanding those them.

Know the boundaries that limit your actions. It is through confronting these limitations that you can discover what kind of person you are in the face of adversity. Know the boundaries you put in place for others. It is through fighting to maintain these boundaries for yourself that you can protect yourself from other people who are trying to expand their own boundaries by conquering yours.